Wlliam Gilmore Simms
Stories and Tales >> ''Bald-Head Bill Bauldy,'' And How He Went Through the Flurriday Campaign! >> Page 479

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Page 479

Short Stories | U of South Carolina P | 1974
Transcription BALD-HEAD BILL BAULDY479
How Bauld Head Bill Lost His "Sculp."
We liquored all round, every hunter acknowledging the pro-
priety of protecting that delicate region, the stomach, from the
atrocious invasion of the east wind, which, even in the days of
Abraham, was proverbial for its bad character!—After wiping his
mouth, which he did expertly, with the sleeve of his coat, "Bald
Head Bill" proceeded with the narrative of his experiences in the
"Flurriday War," after the following fashion.
"That fight with the B'ar, in which I licked him so fairly, gin
me courage for any thing! A'ter that, I begin to see how easy twaur,
for a man, of he'd only set right about it, to lick the whole creation
of beasts. I seed that every thing warnt to be done by main force,
and strength, but by skill and slight of hand, and knowing a thing or
two, knowing which eend of the cigar to put to your own mouth,
and which eend to clap to the muzzle of your B'ar! And let me tell
you that leetle as that idee may seem to you, fellows, there's ten pus-
sons in every twenty thet kaint come to a right onderstanding about it!
"You may reckon, I spose, thet, a'ter thet transaction, I believed
more in them Spanish cigars than ever; and I only wished our offsers
had got the ninety boxes, instid of the ten out of every hundred! I
went rigilarly at them every day, and never passed by any hafe bottle
of liquor that stood next to 'em convenient for the handling. And
every a'ternoon of parade, I jist set my scullion drummer boy at
1'arning his business, and went off sly to take my smoke. I was more
in love with that one tree in the thick whar I licked the b'ar than
ever; and them hours I puff'd away in smoke, jist a hafe sleeping
onder that tree, waur about the most heavenly hour's I ever hed in
all my born days, day or night.
"But, somehow, thar's an eend to every good thing some day, and
I've found out, a'ter the tryings of forty years, that a man's pleasures
don't last any longer than any thing else; and sartinly they never
do outlast his liquor! My smoking onder that tree was to come to an
eending mighty short and suddent, and more suddent than sweet!
"One hot a'ternoon, when I hed jest swigged pretty nigh on to a
pint of good Jamaica, which we got by smuggling as well as the