Wlliam Gilmore Simms
Stories and Tales >> ''Bald-Head Bill Bauldy,'' And How He Went Through the Flurriday Campaign! >> Page 481

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Page 481

Short Stories | U of South Carolina P | 1974
Transcription BALD-HEAD BILL BAULDY4$1
we'pon ! Besides, twouldnt do for the only good cook in the Gineral's
mess to be shot down like that chuckleheaded fellow, Rafe Parkin-
son ! You kin git any number of sodgers, thet's jest fit to be killed,
and not good for nothing else; but it's not one sodger in a thousand
that you kin convart into a decent cook! I know'd all that, and feelin'
what a loss twould be to the offsers, ef I was to be shot, I laid low,
and kept dark; jest lying whar I was, snug in the `thick', and drawing
my long nine easy with easy breeth!
"And so I let the shooting and the shouting go on, without so much
as letting the woods know that I haird any thing about it. And
sometimes the noise would come closer and closer; and then I'd feel
mighty oncomfortable; but then agin twould go far off; and I could
jest make out to hyar the drums; so I begin to think that the darn'd
red skins hed got the whip hand of our sodgers, and was a driving
them ahead! And that, agin, made me think of the orful massacree
of poor Major Dade's Rigiment, all cut to mammocks, with never
a hair left on any man's head for a woman's fingers to play in !
"Them thinkin's made me mighty oneasy; for, ef our sodgers
waur all driv' off, what would bekim of me? Whar would be the
`parquizites'; the cigars, the Jamaica, and the easy time I hed of
it, after licking the scullion boy, every a'ternoon? And how was I
to git to the Rigiment, with the dern'd red skins all between me and
"And then, the next, and worst consideration, in that thinking!
'Sposing the red skins should captivate me; wouldn't they massacree
me, jest as ef I waur a part of Dade's Rigiment?
"I begun to be orful skear'd, and to look about me; when, Lawd
love you, as I lifted my head, what should I see, but a dern'd infarnal
red skin, a'most ten foot high, with his tomhog in one hand and his
rifle in t'other, sneaking along through the bushes like a catamount.
And the dern'd sharp-eyed fellow seed me jist as I lifted my head,
and I seed him, quick as blazes, ketch up his rifle, and p'int!
"When I seed that, I squatted low as I could lie; flat to the
ground; and the bullet tore the bush jist right over my head, and
I haird the report of the rifle, loud as a seventy six pounder, the minit
"I do believe that the dern'd savage tried his best to murder me
that very time! I'm sure he did his best to hit me with that bullet.