Wlliam Gilmore Simms
Stories and Tales >> ''Bald-Head Bill Bauldy,'' And How He Went Through the Flurriday Campaign! >> Page 515

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Page 515

Short Stories | U of South Carolina P | 1974
Transcription BALD-HEAD BILL BAULDY515
"Did you ever hyar sich a cussed story, and jist a'ter I hed gone
through all that ixperience of captivation by the Ingins; by the
alligators; by the Queen of the Mar'maids; and the hard row of
two hundred miles, I reckon more or less paddling off from the
Mar'maid's island, in a poor dug-out, and without a morsel to eat,
or a mouthful to drink!
"Them fellows that brought me up, then showed more than a
dozen chunk bottles that they said they found in the `thick' whar
I was sleeping; and they showed five `long nine' cigars that they
swore they tuk out of my pockets; when, as you all know, I was
robbed of them vary last cigars by the cussed red skins when they
captivated me!
"I now begin to see that thar was a sawt of conspiracy agin me
to hev me hung, shot, and butcher'd!
"And Lawd love you, I hed no witnesses at all; and I could see,
from the looks of all the offsers, that I hedn't no one friend among
'em, to stand up for me, and take my part, and argyfy my defences.
" `And now, scoundrel!' says the Gineral, `What hev you got
to say for yourself?'
"Well, seeing as how twaur pretty much over with me, with
every body swearing agin me, and nobody to back me ; I was desprit!
and, a'ter a leetle time, of trying to settle my thoughts and feelin's, I
got the strength, and made bold to tell them the whole of my ixper-
ences and idventures, first about my captivation by the red skin, at
the time of the skrimmage
"With that the Gineral says
" `We've hed no scrimmage, in the last seven days.'
" 'Oh!' says I, `but this was more than a month ago!'
"Then says he, `What the devil is the fellow talking about? But
go on,' says he `go on!'
"And he squared a one side, looking at me with his left eye,
which he could cock wonderful ! So I went on to tell about my capti-
vation by the red skin, and how he carried me off, and how he tried
to sculp me, and carried off my wigs, and was skear'd at first
" `Why, man, what do you talk about,' said the Gineral. `The wig's
on your head now!'
"With that, I felt my head, and, sure enough, thar was the wig.
" `But,' says I, `whar's to'ther one?'